Epic Road Trip – The Story Concludes

It took me longer to get my legs back under me than I expected, but as promised here is the conclusion to my epic Supernatural weekend.  (Let’s just say I will DEFINITELY go to another convention sometime soon!)

Here’s my photo with Kim Rhodes, who is just awesome.  Seriously, what a funny and sweet lady she is.  I just love her!

I left my last post just as we finished up the first part of the costume contest.  For the Castiel part, of course Misha came out to judge and he asked each person to identify which Cas they were dressed as.  One person said he was “Destiel Cas” and Misha claimed to not know what that was, so he recruited a fem!Dean from the audience to join Destiel Cas on stage to show him what that meant.  The two kissed (consensual!) and the crowd went wild!

Then we settled down for Misha’s panel.  I was in line to ask him a question so I can’t say that I remember a lot about what was asked or the answers he gave.  I was behind the person who asked him to look into the audience and say “We’ve got a gif for that”, which of course, it now breaking the Internets as we speak!

I debated on whether or not to talk about my question in great detail on my blog, but after finding a video of it, I am incredibly proud of my courage to ask and delighted with the answer that Misha gave.  Many people came up to me afterwards and gave positive feedback; I even heard that some people discussed it on tumblr and were emotionally moved by it.  I’m glad.  The naysayers that shared their negativity and wank can cram it.  I’m old enough to not have to give a fu…

Here’s what I asked:

“We’re around the same age and we have kids around the same age.  I’m a single mom though.  Do you have any parenting advice or wisdom you could share from a dad’s perspective on raising kids?”

Misha was floored that we are the same age (actually Baby Misha, I’m just a little older than you!) and he tipped his hat to how hard it is to be a single mom.  I was not expecting either of those reactions!  We bantered for a bit and he teased me about coming to a Supernatural convention and neglecting my child.

But his answer was really great.  He spoke of an older man in his neighborhood who took him and his brother under his wing and provided guidance and wisdom to them and his advice was to find people like that to surround my child.  I’m lucky that I have a solid and wonderful base of people who do exactly that (shout out to the ones who read this blog – you know who you are!).

My question starts at 15:52 and runs about 4 minutes.  I got 4 minutes of talking time with Misha Collins!  Whoop!

I didn’t get to stay long enough to pick up my Misha photo so I’ll have to share that in a few weeks when I receive it.

Next up were autographs with Matt Cohen, who is just the cutest little thing, and Sebastian Roche, and Misha.  The convention organizers wouldn’t let any of the stars do personalized autographs, but at least we got to speak with them a bit and make eye contact and it wasn’t as rushed through as the photos.

By this time I was on a pure adrenaline rush, so when it was time for the cabaret, I think I lost my shiznit!  It was fun.  Each star came out and sang but Gil McKinney stole the show.

Oh, did I tell you I inadvertently made a pass at Gil?  If not, I did.  I rode down in the elevator with him that morning and I asked him how his first time at convention was going.  He said it had been good so I said “So what you’re saying is that we were gentle with you.”  Then I immediately realized what I said and follow up with, “Well, that didn’t come out right, did it?”  He just chuckled and said that he wasn’t awake enough for it to register so it was okay!

Gil was a music major in college (me too Gil!) and he serenaded us with John Legend’s “All of Me”.  (YouTube the video.)  It was beautiful.  Gil is beautiful and so sweet!  And kinda shy!

After the Cabaret was the After Party.  I was dancing but not on the dance floor and I was doing something with my hips when I bumped into someone.  I had hardly turned around before I was enveloped in a strong set of arms…which happened to belong to Matt Cohen!  He told me I needed to take that shaking booty onto the dance floor!

I’m not even sure how I managed to get any sleep that night.

Jared & Jensen

Because I purchased Gold tickets, I got to have two panels with Jared and Jensen.  They come across as so down to earth.  Jared is the outgoing one and I appreciated that he really tried to answer everyone’s questions thoughtfully, unlike Sebastian who didn’t answer any!  Jensen seems so shy but you can tell that Jared really brings out his sense of humor and they play off of each other.  I can’t really remember specific things they said other than Jensen saying that Dean was so far gone there was really nothing that could be said to turn the boat around.

Here’s my photos with Jared and Jensen.

The one with Jensen just makes my heart so happy.  It’s like his prettiness just rubs off on you and you can’t help but look pretty if he’s around!

Being hugged by Jared is like being wrapped in a big fuzzy blanket!  Honestly his whole hand could cover my face.  He’s so personable though, you just forget that he’s a celebrity and get lost in his hug!

We had another panel with Jared & Jensen and then with Misha & Mark.  I was truly impressed by Mark Sheppard.  He is like sci-fi royalty to me – he’s been in everything!  I’ve seen interviews with him where I thought he came off very stand offish but in his panel he was very open and friendly.  When I went to take my picture with him, I (inadvertently) “Hello, sweetie!”, which I honestly didn’t mean to do but he was so sweet I couldn’t help myself.  He gave me a big hug in the photo – I’m eager to get it to see how it turned out!

In Misha’s photo, I stepped up and said hi and then asked him to dance with me!  So we did a tango move!  I’ll post when I get it.

One other thing that really stuck out – when I got Jensen’s autograph, he made eye contact with me and it was like he looked right into my soul.  That man has some very attractive eyes!  I know he does that to everyone during the autograph stint, but it really does make you feel special.  I thanked him for taking time away from his family to do this convention for us and he looked up at me, first with a surprised look, then he told me thank you and met my eyes.  No wonder Dean has such a beautiful soul – you can see it in Jensen’s eyes!

By the time I finished all of that, an announcement was made that the Jensen and Jared photos would be ready around 8, so I grabbed a quick dinner and picked up my photos.  I was so tired and still had a 2-hour ride to make so I decided to leave early and missed Rachel Miner’s panel.  I heard about 5 minutes of it and she seemed so nice.  I wish I could have stayed.

I also missed Mark, Rob, and Richard’s autographs by leaving early.  Next time I go I will make sure to stay Sunday night too so I can go to everything on the schedule.

In Conclusion:

This was the single best weekend of my life.  I made some great new friends and was continually amazed at how sweet, friendly, and kind all of the Supernatural fans were.  I sincerely appreciate how respectful they are of the stars.  It’s because of that behavior that we fans get to have such up close and personal contact with them!

The stars of the show are so comfortable and down-to-earth.  They are just regular people who happen to be on TV.  Each one has a story and in some small way we each have a commonality with their story.  I was also a music major in college, like Gil; I recently had a life-changing medical emergency, like Rob; I also have a 6 year old daughter, like Kim; I’m the same age as Misha; like Jensen, I identify strongly with Dean’s sense of loyalty to his family; Jared and I both play kinda rough with our kids.  Each of us has something to share and we’re more alike than you might think.

If you are a fan of Supernatural, I strongly encourage you to save your pennies and go to one of these conventions.  You will not regret a single minute of it.  If you’re not a fan of SPN but of something else, find one for your interest and go.  Hands down, one of the best experiences you could ever have!

Epic Road Trip – To be continued!

I haven’t forgotten you my lovelies!  I only got home late yesterday and the last day and half of convention was mad!  I promise to finish the story later this evening, once I’ve gotten my feet back under me.  But until then, here’s a basic summary.

IT WAS EPIC!

Til then!

Epic Road Trip, Day 3, Part Duex or something

First off, I am so tired that my vision is blurred and I can barely see what I’m typing.  Lawd!

Yesterday started with an Osric and Gil panel.  Gil is new to the con world and hasn’t worked with Osric before on set.  They both thought it was an odd pairing and it kinda was.  Someone in the audience told them to hug it out, so they did.  Osric said, “Oh great.  Another guy I have to go on my toes for.”  And Gil, who has been a bit reserved about this whole con thing says in reply, “Better than your knees!”

Sebastian Roche was up next.  His panels are labeled “for adults only” and now I understand why.  Even before he took the stage, he was making obscene hand gestures on the projector!  He answered about zero questions, although he did let three people ask questions.  He just didn’t answer but instead gyrated around stage and sorta sang and rambled.  He made up a song, we’ll call it, “I Know You’re Ready for My Jelly” and he asked how many people were virgins and then asked which hole.  We learned that his favorite word is motherfu…and that he really can’t complete an entire sentence about something before he’s off to the next thing.  It was entirely too entertaining and raunchy.

Here’s my picture with Sebastian:

I attended the live webcast of Misha’s TSA America, which was an exclusive event to raise money for Random Acts.  The first short starred Daneel Ackles and was inappropriate in so many ways.  The second short was by far funnier and will be the subject of may a fan manip for Destiel purposes.

During Richard, Matt, and Rob’s panel we learned Richard and Robbie Thompson (one of the writers) are very good friends.  A fan asked if the little eye wiggle in Meta Fiction was a yes or no on Gabriel still being alive and Richard said that it is Robbie’s intention that the answer is yes and Gabriel is still alive.

I have mixed feelings about that.  Gabriel is a great character and it would be fun to have him back but I kinda want him to stay dead.  His death was meaningful and to bring him back takes the impact away of how he stood up to Lucifer.  Although, if Gabe isn’t dead then maybe Balthazar isn’t either and he can come back too!

Here’s my manwich with Richard and Matt, who were super sweet and great huggers!

The costume contest was great.  There were a lot of entries.  Here’s the winner.  I’d say this girl is on fire.

That’s all I have time for this morning.  I will try to post later today about Misha’s panel and my question, along with the Cabaret party and after party.

Today is Jensen and Jared’s panel, Misha and Mark’s panel, and then photo ops with Jensen, Jared, Misha, and Mark.  Another exciting day ahead!

Epic Road Trip, Day 1

God bless my knack for going in the wrong direction in life most of the time.

I’m in Arlington, VA for the Supernatural DC Con.  From my home, it’s a little over a 4 hour drive, assuming the traffic cooperates which it never does once you reach the outskirts of Northern Virginia.  I grew up here so I should know!

But I made it here in less than 4 hours yesterday!  I only hit traffic once I got on 395 and even then it cleared quickly.

I totally flubbed planning for this trip.  When I bought my tickets, I didn’t realize that photo ops with the stars weren’t included.  Rookie mistake.  And I only realized this last week!  So I went online to buy the photo ops I wanted, mostly Misha, (but Jensen too!) and both were sold out.  Sadness, panic, and chaos ensued.  To make up for my apparent dipstickiness, I went ahead and purchased photo ops for Jared, Mark, Sebastian, Matt, Osric, and Dick.  Cause you know, nothing makes you feel better after a blunder than dropping some major cash.

But alas, I couldn’t get it out of my head that I was going to miss Misha.  As in, taking a picture with him was the entire reason I booked this trip to begin with!

Lucky for me, Misha’s schedule changed and the convention added more photo ops for Sunday, only you had to buy them when you got here.

And pre-registration started yesterday.

But I wasn’t scheduled to arrive until today.

Sadness, panic, and chaos ensued!

But in the end, it all worked out.  Lookie see what I got!

Oh and I got one for Jensen too!  Whoop!

And the best part, even better than getting the tickets I was after, was meeting so many friendly and helpful Supernatural fans.  Everyone I spoke with was eager to help me – one even offered to let me crash her photo op with Misha if I couldn’t get a ticket!  How friggin’ cool is that?!  The Supernatural fandom is so awesome.

Look for more posts from me about the weekend!  Can’t wait to share all I see and do!

Change in Perspective

Howdy howdy!  It’s been a while!

I won’t give you the long, boring story of my absence.  I’d actually like you to continue following and reading my blog…which, if you do, you know that I am a huge fan of Supernatural.  And you might also know that for a good while this season (currently Season 9), I haven’t been exactly enthusiastic about the show.  Well, trust SPN to pull up in the 9th inning and take over all the bases!  The last few episodes have been really good and my love of the show sparked once again.  The latest installment, 9×18, has so many parallels, subtext, underlying stories, connections, and so much foreshadowing that I’ve been drowning myself in analysis since it aired.  By analysis I mean both of the show and internally of myself.  Dean is my mirror.

And like Dean, I’ve known guilt, anger, shame, love, and death.  And like Dean, I have used humor and denial to avoid facing the pain.  But unlike Dean, when I faced Death, it inspired me to grab at life and never let go.

Two years ago, almost to the day, I woke up in the cardiovascular ICU at one of the biggest hospitals in our region.  I was grey to the sight and cold to the touch.  I was on so much morphine that staying awake for more than 15 minutes was a challenge.  There were tubes everywhere.  I had two IV lines and an oxygen cannula and a pulse monitor and a heart monitor.

But the story doesn’t actually start there.

When I was a child, my mother took me and my sister every weekend to visit my grandparents, her parents, who lived just over an hour away.  You could set your watch by our Saturday trip there and back.

At 16, newly christened with a driver’s license, my mother bravely agreed to let me drive to my grandmother’s house on Saturday.  As we were getting ready, I felt a stabbing pain in my stomach, but it went as quickly as it came.  I thought nothing of it.

We headed out on our weekly pilgrimage with me behind the wheel.  

About 20 minutes into our drive, my right side began to hurt.  At first, it was just uncomfortable, kind of like a cramp in your side.  I tried wiggling around in my seat to get more comfortable, which made my mother nervous, of course.  The new kid driver wiggling around in her seat while driving 60 mph in a 2000 pound weapon.

The pain got worse and I told my mother, but within a few minutes it became clear to me I couldn’t continue to drive.  I immediately pulled off to the side of the road and got out of the car.  That’s when the nausea hit and the pain tripled.  I was no longer able to stand up straight.

My mother panicked, but somehow managed to get me back into the truck and sped off.  We made it to the hospital in my grandmother’s town in record time, way less than an hour.

When I woke up many hours later, my mother and the rest of my family were there with me.  I had suffered a kidney stone attack but was fine.

Fast forward about 20 years.  That’s when my second attack happened.  Painful but manageable.  I spent a few hours in the emergency room and a day at home.

The doctors told me at the time that it was very unusual to have an attack so young and even more unusual to not have another for 20 years.  But they warned me that people who are susceptible to kidney stone attacks likely have another or several more within 5 years.  And they warned me that any of the dozens of stones I had could get stuck and block my bladder which could lead to death.  Surgery to remove them was the best option they said.

Now look, I’ve been in the hospital a grand total of twice in my life.  Once to be born and another when I had pneumonia at 2.  I’ve never had surgery, never broken an arm…cause other than this kidney stone thing, I’m healthy.  What are the chances that I’m going to face death from a kidney stone?  Really?

I remember at the time thinking to myself that the doctor was trying to use scare tactics on me.  What I didn’t realize at the time was just how close she came to predicting my future.

And so it happened that two years ago, I went to the emergency room for a kidney stone.  They did what they do – hooked me up to IV, gave me pain meds, and took an xray to locate it…except they couldn’t.  The next few hours were a blur.  What I remember is suddenly being sick to my stomach, not being able to get my breath, and fading in and out of consciousness.  I vaguely remember being transported by ambulance (which I thought was the life rescue helicopter) from the localized emergency room to the actual hospital.  When I woke up, my parents were there and I was being prepped for surgery.

It was two days later when I woke up that I found out what had happened to me.

A kidney stone had become lodged in my bladder and was blocking everything.  The fluid I was given in the ER backed up onto my lungs, when then increased the pressure on my heart causing my heart to race and my blood pressure to sink.  Because all of the fluid was backing up into my system, I developed sepsis.  Sepsis can kill and kill quickly.  So that, with the pressure on my heart and a deadly low BP, I was hours, or maybe an hour away from death if the doctors didn’t get the situation under control and fast.

Just the day prior to this, I had run for 30 minutes.  I’d been training for a 5K and lifting weights.

The next day I was in ICU.  Fighting for my life.

It can happen that fast.

I spent 5 days in ICU.  I was by far the youngest person on the floor, by at least 20 years, and two people lost their lives during my stay.

I have literally faced Death and overcome.

But the difference between me and Dean Winchester is that while we’ve both faced Death, I came out determined to live my life, for me.  Screw everyone else.

And let me be clear – I don’t mean that I don’t care about anyone else.  I do.  I love my family and my daughter and my friends more today that before this entire experience.  I cherish them more than I could ever have imagined doing so before.  But what I mean is they do not control or run my life.  No one gets to tell me what makes me happy or what I can and can’t do.  I am 100% in charge of my direction on this Earth and I’m going to steer my ship, without bowing to the call of others.

I do not live for them.  I live for me.

I pray that Dean Winchester will learn how to live for himself because, and I can say this from personal experience, it is freeing and wonderful.

Supernatural S9 So Far…

Not a lot of folks come to my blog to read my thoughts on Supernatural, but for those of you who have read my reviews, you may have noticed I haven’t published one since 9×05.

To be honest, it’s not that I haven’t thought about it or have been too lazy to do so, it is that, for me, this season is not good.  I have not enjoyed the last 3-4 episodes and I decided rather than complain about what I see as gross mis-characterizations or major canon fails, I would simply keep my mouth shut and hope it gets better once we go into the second half of the season.

As my momma would say, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”.

So hmpghhmhphpshshahmhmp.

At least until things get better.

Supernatural – 9×05 “Dog Dean Afternoon”

SPOILER ALERT!  READ NO FURTHER IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN 9×05!!!!

SPOILER ALERT!  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

SPOILER ALERT!

Well.  Let me start by saying I actually had high expectations for this episode.  Maybe too high.  I expected to laugh like there was no tomorrow.  I expected another “Yellow Fever” or “The French Mistake”.  That didn’t happen but I’m not exactly complaining.

“Dog Dean Afternoon” was cute.  There were some chuckle-worthy moments, like when Dean played fetch with Sam and then started barking at the mailman.  Dean arguing with the pigeon was cute but what I really laughed at was Sam’s awkward retreat back to the car.

My cats, on the other hand, did not find this episode at all amusing.  They ran around, trying to hide under the furniture because of all the barking going on.  When the bad man came and stuffed all the cats in a bag (which, btw, you could NEVER do and live…those cats would tear you a new one and then tear each other a new one in that bag), their eyes went wide and their ears started flapping back and forth trying to find all the hissing, growling, meowing cats.  This is not an episode I can repeat with them in the room!

Here’s what stood out for me this week.

– The choice to use Foreigner’s “I Want To Know What Love Is” as the background music after Dean drinks the spell concoction.  Uhm, what?!  I think I did a triple take at this and then proceeded to look up the lyrics at the first commercial break (while quietly singing it to myself).  This is a ROMANTIC song.  Remember, the songs that are chosen for Supernatural are done so deliberately due to expense.  Therefore, if a song is placed in a scene, we’d better pay attention because it’s not put there accidentally.  Let’s look at some of the lyrics, shall we?

I gotta take a little time
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it when I’m older

Now this mountain I must climb
Feels like a world upon my shoulders
And through the clouds I see love shine
It keeps me warm as life grows colder

In my life there’s been heartache and pain
I don’t know if I can face it again
Can’t stop now, I’ve traveled so far
To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me

Let’s talk about love
(I wanna know what love is) the love that you feel inside
(I want you to show me) I’m feeling so much love
(I wanna feel what love is) no, you just cannot hide
(I know you can show me) yeah, woah-oh-ooh
I wanna know what love is, let’s talk about love
(I want you to show me) I wanna feel it too
(I wanna feel what love is) I wanna feel it too
And I know, and I know, I know you can show me
Show me what is real, woah (woah), yeah I know
(I wanna know what love is) hey I wanna know what love
(I want you to show me), I wanna know, I wanna know, want know
(I wanna feel what love is), hey I wanna feel, love
I know you can show me, yeah

That ain’t aimed at Sammy or the dog…Sammy ignores it, the dog wants to change the station, and Dean wants to keep it on.  The song is meant for Dean.  Who exactly is it that is going to teach Dean what romantic love is?   Dean knows familial love already.  He may have a twisted sense of it, but he loves his family fiercely.  He doesn’t need to be taught what familial love is, although he does need to be taught how to love his family in a healthy way.  What Dean has not had much of is romantic love.  He was in love with Cassie as a very young man and the next example we get of romantic love for Dean is Lisa.  But this is not romantic love – Dean loved the idea of Lisa, the idea of a family of his own, the idea of having a home, the ideal life she represented.  I’m not saying he didn’t love her; he did.  But he was not IN LOVE with her and there is a difference.

Okay, fair warning, I’m going to slip on my shipper’s goggles now.  *fumbles awkwardly in her purse*

Let’s assume that Season 10 is the end of SPN.  That leaves about 40 episodes to introduce a believable romantic storyline for Dean (because why else are TPTB talking about love both in Season 8 and Season 9).  Here’s the rub.  If it were Sam we were talking about, I’d say 40 episodes is enough time to introduce a woman in his life and create a believable storyline.  Why, you ask?  Because Sam has something that Dean doesn’t – an idea of self outside of Dean and the world of hunting.  Sam knows himself as more than just a hunter.  Sam has long wanted to be “normal” and had experiences away from Dean & John.  He has had other friends and activities outside the world of hunting that have added to his self-worth.  Now like all of us real human beings, Sam has taken hits to his self-worth over the years but again this is where he and Dean differ – Sam will forgive himself and recover.  We’ve started to see that already.  Sam (and let’s assume it’s really Sam) has already begun to express his desire for a life outside of the bunker (S9 E9x04).

But with Dean, I’m not sure you’ll get it done in 40 episodes.  You have to work through a lifetime of self-doubt, self-sacrifice, and self-harm.  And by self-harm, I mean believing he is worth less than others and therefore being suicidally reckless.  That kind of mental conversation with oneself takes years to undo.  We began to see development and forward-movement in S8 and it was a beautiful thing, but at the beginning of S9, we are almost back to square one with Dean.  Just working through Dean’s mental state will take the entire rest of this season at best, especially when we add in the shitstorm that is going to be Sammy finding out Dean’s big secret.

So let’s add in a newly introduced character and begin to build her (or him, if you like) up to someone that Dean can fall in love with…But it will have to be someone that Dean can trust completely.  That Dean will identify with strongly.  That Dean will see as a mirror to himself.  That Dean knows accepts him fully and completely.  That Dean knows always comes back to him.  That Dean would reach out to for comfort.  That Dean would allow himself to need.

Oh wait, my little shipper’s goggles say.  We already have someone like that, don’t we?

Anyway, I’ve digressed into the slippery slope of fandom ships, just I’ll just walk the plank now and get back on task.

The season opener was George Thorogood’s “Who Do You Love?”  In E9x02, there was strong foreshadowing of Dean saying he was not good with “love…and love”.  Now there’s this song.  The songs speak to romantic love, and Dean speaks of familial love and romantic love.  The familial love we know includes Sam, Kevin, Charlie, Bobby, John, and Cas.  The romantic love?  There’s the open question.  I believe it is the direction Dean is headed in.  The only question is with whom?

And check out the use of the color red in this episode.  We have underlying hints of love with the romantic songs, more heart imagery, and the use of red.  Red is the color of love, is it not?  Interesting!

(Let me make this disclaimer:  yes this show is about the relationship between two brothers and will always be that BUT these brothers are now men, not the young adults we began with.  A natural part of maturing for most people (admittedly not for all) is the desire to develop a primary romantic relationship.  Maturity demands that it not be the end of all other relationships (familial/friendships) but an addition to those relationships; I would consider it highly unlikely that neither Sam nor Dean would want a primary relationship outside of their brotherly bond as they continue to mature.  In fact, if the show didn’t begin to go in that direction for one or both of the “boys” towards the end of the series, I would be disappointed.)

–  Another Sam/Ezekiel switch up, which we could see coming from a mile away.  I can only hope this is coming to a head quickly as it’s becoming more and more difficult to keep injuring or killing characters to have an excuse for Ezekiel to come forward and have it remain believable.  Besides, Sam is a really smart cookie and he’s got to suspect something by now right?

– “You really think the power you hold over other people’s lives can make up for what you lack in your own?”  Oh boy.  I did another double-take at this line.  I’ve read some meta already that suggests that this line is in relation to Ezekiel, but I see it more as a reflection on Dean.  Right now (and in the past) he holds the power over Sam’s life.  It was his decision to allow Ezekiel to seek consent to take possession of Sam to keep him alive.  He continues to make decisions regarding Ezekiel and Sam to keep Sam alive.  The “power” he has over other’s lives extends to Castiel, Kevin, and Crowley as well.  He forced Castiel from the bunker, sending him back into the battlefield where he is the primary target (risking Castiel’s life – the very antithesis of keeping him alive) when he knows the bunker is the safest place for Cas to be right now.  He wields power over Kevin by convincing him to stay at the bunker so his life is not at risk in order to keep him alive.  And by keeping Crowley in the dungeon, he is taking away Crowley’s power to exert his free will and to keep him alive.  Why does Dean act this way?  Because what Dean lacks is self-worth.  That’s Dean’s Stage 4 cancer.  The only way Dean can find himself worthy is by controlling the lives of others, by making himself their caretaker.  This plays into his misguided understanding of familial love.  More than ever I want Dean’s destructive view on family and love to be torn down.  It’s going to be painful to endure but necessary for him to grow.

–“Sammy? Zeke?  Whoever the hell you are.”  Foreshadowing…even Dean doesn’t know.  And isn’t that one damn scary thought?  And it plays into the next little nugget.

– “He was possessed by something he couldn’t control.  It was a matter of time before it took over.”…This line has given rise to the theory that Ezekiel is becoming one with Sam.  This mirrors the mind-melding theme of the entire episode.  FORESHADOWING!  Maybe.  If so, here’s where I’m hoping our wonderful writers will provide all the details needed to make this believable.  According to canon, when an angel possesses someone, that person loses control over their mind and body but they remain a seperate entity.  Remember, Jimmy said yes to Castiel possessing him but did not have control over Castiel in any way.  It was only when, in “The Rapture” where Castiel was forcibly removed from his vessel, that Jimmy gained control again.  This could not have happened IF Castiel and Jimmy were one after Castiel took possession.  And when Raphel left his vessel to return to Heaven, he left the man an empty shell but with his soul still intact.  Think about what we canonically know of Sam.  He is one of the strongest vessels available, since both he and Dean can contain archangels, and he overpowered Lucifer long enough to get him into Hell.  He has one pretty strong soul.  So what’s to make me believe that he couldn’t overpower Ezekiel?  Was his soul damaged by the trials?  Was his soul weakened by almost giving in to Death?  The more I think about it, the more I see some issues with this.  If it’s not the case the Ezekiel tries to merge himself with Sam’s soul but is simply going to possess Sam much the same way Castiel or Raphel possessed their vessels, then in order for Sam to NOT be able to kick him out, Ezekiel would have to be a stronger angel than Lucifer.  There’s only one we know (to-date) that is as strong as or stronger then Lucifer.  So is Ezekiel really Michael?  Only time will tell.  If Ezekiel is fusing his grace to Sam’s soul, then we’re going to need a lot of explanation since it will be the first time in the series we’ve seen this happen.  SPN writers, don’t let me down on this one!

Overall this was a cute episode with some surprisingly heavy handed hints in it.  Still, Season 9 is shaping up differently than I expected.  There is just something a little bit left of center about it so far.  Dean is acting just not right, like he’s himself but he’s not exactly himself.  And there are a lot of balls in the air.  I’m hoping the next 3-4 episodes will start to tilt the cart back to center.

Happy trails until 9×06!  I think we’re going to see “jilted-lover” Cas.  If not, then I hope at the very least we see “I’m really effing pissed at you, Dean” Cas!

Supernatural – 9×04 “Slumber Party”

SPOILER ALERT!  READ NO FURTHER IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN 9×04!!!!

SPOILER ALERT!  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

SPOILER ALERT!

Last night’s episode was so much fun!

CLEAR WINNERS:

• Crowley hissing!
• Charlie kicking Dean in the ‘nads!
• “Ding dong, bitches!”

FUN MENTIONS:

• Having a sleep over and braiding hair!
• Becky Winchester (ha, ha!)
• More of the MOL bunker
• Dean’s kitchen!
• THE CARS!  THE MOTORCYCLES!  BABY IN A GARAGE!
• Dorothy was pretty bad ass!
• Sam’s room!
• They gave Crowley a Crayon!  That had me in hysterics.

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT:

• Home – we began to see the divide between the boys on how they view the bunker and I think this may be setting the stage for a split for them (as in Dean lives at the bunker and Sam does not)
• Dean’s reaction to Charlie’s death
• Death – in four episodes we’ve seen Sam thisclose to death, Cas dead, and Charlie dead…and…
• Ezekiel – in all instances, Ezekiel was the one to bring each back to life
• Interesting that Dean asked Ezekiel to save Charlie a) knowing that meant that Ezekiel could not help with the witch and b) that Ezekiel would have to remain in Sam longer
• Dean’s codependency issues are going to have to be dealt with before there can be any forward movement for him
• Last week we started to see fraying around the edges of the lies Dean’s keeping.  This week we are starting to see cracks – “Who’s Zeke?”

ONE LAST THING:

• I’m glad they had Sam question Cas leaving the bunker.  Dean’s answer was EXACTLY what I expected it to be.  I’m also glad that Dean told Sam he wanted Cas to be there.  The “resolution” was a bit lame given the emotional cliff hanger from last week but I’m still glad it was addressed.

This was a fun episode and I enjoyed it.

I cannot wait for next week.  I’ll need to make sure I start the episode with an empty bladder or I’ll be pissing myself the whole time from laughing so hard!

Supernatural – 9×03 “I’m No Angel”

SPOILER ALERT!  READ NO FURTHER IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN 9×03!!!!

SPOILER ALERT!  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

SPOILER ALERT!

Guys, guys, guys!  I’m a little late to the party this week due to a Walt Disney World vacation (more on that later).  I tried so hard to resist any spoilers after Tuesday since I wasn’t able to watch but I gave in and went to Tumblr anyway.  Kinda wish I hadn’t.  The reviews were terrible.  People were upset that Destiel had been killed.  Twitter fights and insults and general angst ensued.  Drama with a capital “D”, and not the good kind of “D.

So I was expecting the worst, as in a poorly written show that was confusing, inconsistent, and contradictory.

And I was surprised that I enjoyed this episode more than 9×01 and 9×02.  It’s not without its problems, certainly, but is not nearly as bad as everyone makes it out to be.  For the sake of my review, I am going to ignore the construct of the scenes (i.e., how they were framed and shot), the lighting, and some of the more technical aspects of the actual camera work.  I will focus solely on content.  (P.S. – Even though I am a Dean/Cas shipper, my comments regarding the Dean/Cas storyline will not be from a shipping perspective.)

Here are my takeaways.

Opening Sequence:

CAS:

• Cas is adapting to humanity beautifully.  As he figures out how to find shelter, how to make money, and how to do some of the basic physical tasks being human dictates (brushing your teeth – although that was still adorably naive Cas – toilets, showers), he is not angry or resentful, nor do I get the sense that he feels sorry for himself, as he did in Purgatory with his need to do penance.

• At the same time Cas is still a BAMF.  He’s smart about his survival (and he does want to survive).  He uses an alias, knows he needs to keep moving, and be warded against angels.  He’s still got his angel blade and still has his fighting skills.  The way he drops the blade into his hand makes my nethers quiver.

• “I’ve gotta plan better.  I ran out of food very quickly today.”  There were a couple of subtle things in this episode that made me wonder if Cas was purposefully running away from the bunker and planning to stay on the run for a while.

DEAN:

• What a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.  Oh Dean, lies upon lies upon lies.  You can start to see the edges fraying here – Dean is beginning to have a hard time maintaining continuity in his communication with Sam after speaking with Ezekiel.  He’s forceful with Ezekiel, telling him to go away until he (Dean) asks to speak with him.  When Ezekiel does so, Dean continues the conversation between himself and the angel, much to Sam’s confusion, only adding to the lies that Dean continue to tell to keep the charade going.

• This is the first time I can remember seeing Dean being so involved in “research”.  You can tell as he is looking at the map of where Cas may be that he is anxious.

SAM:

• Holy crap, Jared’s acting this season!  Not saying his acting is bad or otherwise sub-par in other seasons, but he is just blowing me away with the Sam/Ezekiel switches.  It’s freaking creepy to watch.

• The small reaction he gives to Dean’s statement about Cas “Unless they got him.”  Wow.  In one look he conveys that he knows how much Dean cares for and needs Cas.  He remembers what happened the last time Dean lost Cas.

EZEKIEL:

• His motivation is still unclear to me (why is he possessing Sam and what favor will he want from Dean?).

• Providing news regarding Cas to Dean is him manipulating Dean in a subtle way.  Remember he knows everything Sam knows, therefore he knows how much Dean cares about Cas.  Ezekiel needs to keep Dean on a short leash to play out his endgame – what better way to do that than to gain his trust by providing him information about Cas and offering to be useful in the search to find him?

BARTHOLOMEW:

• Dick Roman wanna-be – I want Naomi back.
• What was the point of letting the young woman take on an angel when it was clear that Bartholomew knew she was a not a good choice for a vessel?

GENERAL:

• We’ve never seen an angel possess someone through the mouth.  That is canonically the way a demon possesses.
• Nor have we seen angel grace split, then converging on the vessel as one.
• What happens to an angel’s grace when the vessel containing them explodes?
• “The Lamb of the Sacrifice” – so I’m a Christian and when I hear this phrase I immediately think of Jesus as the Lamb and the shedding of his blood as the covering of my sin.  SPN has not historically referenced Jesus, only God.  Maybe I’m seeing too much in that?  Either way, in Christianity, the sacrificing of a lamb and the offering of  blood is symbolic of cleansing and atonement to God.
• Is it an angel or a reaper in the bus?  If it were an angel, they should be able to sense that Castiel no longer has his grace and would not question if he’s human.  I’m not sure that a reaper (other than Death) would know.  Anyone?

Second Sequence:

CAS:

• Second reference to being on the run:  “No, he just said he had to keep going.”

• I thought the scenes in the downtown area were beautiful in that they highlighted what must be an overwhelming experience for Cas.  Even though he’s been watching humanity forever, he’s never been one of us.  Even in spending so much time with the Winchesters, he’s always has the experiences filtered through his grace.   The noise and honking horns and smell of food and the prostitute and the men fighting – did you see the swallowing down of tears?  I died a little right then.

• Dammit Misha, your acting!

• The church scene:  The immediate contrast of the street scene (noise) and the church (quiet) provided a clear contrast of what life must have been like for Castiel before with things filtered through his grace (quiet) and what is now (noise).  Also echoed by the “fragile” comment.

• Cas knows God exists but he has no faith.  Isn’t that what he said to Dean when they first met?  I am eager to see how this plays out and to see exactly who is listening.  After all, we know that Castiel is important enough to God that He brought him back to life.

DEAN:

• Dean is interviewing the homeless man alone and all I could think was “Why?”

• He cannot escape what he’s done to Sam.  It’s being thrown in his face at every turn and honestly, he deserves that.  Look I’m a Dean girl all the way, but he’s sunk to a whole new low here.  And honestly when Sam and Cas find out, Dean deserves whatever shit they throw at him.  How many times has he stood on his high horse and judged them for making bad decisions and lying about it?  If both Sam and Cas don’t walk away from Dean for a little while for this, I will be very disappointed.

SAM:

• Sam is gonna be so pissed when he finds out Dean let him be “body snatched” by an angel.

BARTHOLOMEW:

• Still a Dick Roman wanna-be – and I still want Naomi back.

GENERAL:

• Did you notice the plethora of blue-eyed men this episode?
• “Winchester” – we all know you mean Dean Winchester.

Third Sequence:

CAS:

• Third reference to being on the run:  “Think he was on the run.”

• Oh my god, Misha is killing me with his face.  The scene in the rain, the look he gives…again, I think I died a little.

• Why does Cas give April his real name here when he’s been using Clarence as an alias?

• For being a new human, Cas is pretty well in touch with his emotions already – he’s admitted to making mistakes out of vanity and the belief in his own self-importance.

• Fourth reference to running away.  “Now all I can do is keep running.”

• “Being all alone” – This reinforces the idea that he does not intend to reunite with the Winchesters.  They are his family, as they’ve told him time and time again, yet, he believes he is all alone.

• Love or hate the kissing scene, but those little sideways looks that Cas gave April were so adorable!  The post-sex scene was adorable too.  I love the smile and the giggles – I’m glad Cas had something to enjoy finally.

• Loved that he said he’d done some foolish and unwise things.  Given what comes next with April, it seems that pattern continues.

DEAN:

• His anxiety is off the charts.

• Back to torture…this makes me so sad.  How desparate must he be to find Cas if he is willing to torture again?  And the look on his face as he kills the reaper – there’s nothing there.  No regret, no angst, no doubt…it’s frightening and sad at the same time.

SAM:

• He’s just standing by and watching Dean torture the reaper even thought it seems like he doesn’t want Dean to do it, but he’s not protesting.  He’s just being passive about it.

GENERAL:

• April bringing Cas home wasn’t as creepy as I thought it might be.  I’ve protested that it is unreasonable for a single woman to bring home a homeless man but this worked.  It makes more sense in the context provided, assuming that April was possessed by a reaper before she left work, it makes sense.

Fourth Sequence:

CAS:

• “I only knew that I was the final ingredient.”  Oh my gosh…I’ve read several theories on why Metatron needed Castiel and Castiel’s grace specifically for the spell and this line gives me hope that the writers are going to address why it had to be Castiel!

• “My grace.  It’s why I’m human.  He took my grace for the spell.”  Holy.  Crap.  Misha’s acting here gave me shivers.  His eyes cast down in shame that he was tricked and the most intimate thing was taken from him against his will, admitting that he is human, and that it was his fault because of his naivety.  Damn.

• “It may be unwise to kill me.  If my grace was the key to empowering the spell, I may be the key to countering it.”  And that is exactly what is going to happen but DAMN CAS, skilled warrior, leader of a garrison of angels, you are a cunning survivalist and strategist.  BAMF.

DEAN:

• And our anxiety just hit an all-time high.

• Dean is starting down an even more dangerous path here by calling for Ezekiel.  He’s playing right into Ezekiel’s hands by relying on him, showing him another one of his weaknesses, and then by essentially begging him to help find Cas.

• And he’s manipulating Sam too by essentially giving Ezekiel permission to come forward.  Taking away Sam’s choice and his control over his own body.  Sleazeball move, Dean.

• Revenge, thy name is Dean Winchester.  Once again, when he ganks April, his face is so set and hard, very similar to the killing of the reaper.

• Twice in this scene we see Dean go to Cas first, before Sam.  I’ve thought a lot about that, because you know I want to see it through my Dean/Cas glasses, but the most obvious answer is that Dean knows that Sam will be okay because of Ezekiel so there is no reason to rush to his side.

• “Never do that again.”  Because I need you, Cas.

• But let me keep lying to you (do neither of them see Dean’s lying face?) because that’s all I can do to cover up my mess.

SAM:

• When’s he gonna start questioning these black outs?  This is the second time in what, 3-5 days?

EZEKIEL:

• He sees an opportunity to snare Dean further in his trap by healing Cas.  He could have let Cas remain dead, especially if he is in cahoots with Metatron, who would certainly not mind if Castiel is dead.  So why bring him back unless it was for the specific purpose of manipulating Dean and maintaining leverage against him.

GENERAL:

• As in last week’s episode where Abbadon sexualized her power over Dean, we see April do the same over Cas.

• Alright, starting with Dean rushing to Cas’ side after he’s ganked April, from there until the end, the scene is flat and awkward.  Even from a platonic view, I don’t get the sense that Dean is really all that distraught that his best friend was killed right in front of him and there is nothing he can do.  Now once Ezekiel revives Cas, he is tender and then in typical Dean style, gets gruff with the never do that again, but I was expecting more.  In past seasons when Cas has been killed we’ve seen Dean drink himself to (almost death), carry a bloody trench coat from car to car for almost 6 months, and hallucinate.  Hell, he was full-on almost in tears when the Leviathan drowned Cas in the lake.  And all that was when Cas was a supernatural being and there was more of a chance of him coming back.  Now he’s human and there is no coming back from death (unless you have an angel in your pocket), and Dean’s just like “Sam, he’s gone”?  Very anticlimactic.  Now I wouldn’t expect Dean to start wailing, but maybe tears in the eyes, his voice a bit more broken, a bit more begging at Cas to just be alive?  And to end a highly dramatic death scene with crap humor?  Uhm, no.  Just no.

• And why doesn’t Cas ask about Ezekiel or how Sam is miraculously better?

Last Sequence:

The reveal about Cas having sex was funny.

As for Dean telling Cas to go, totally heartbreaking but I’m not sure what Dean expected.  It’s obvious he doesn’t want Cas to go, but he has no choice.  He’s being threatened by Ezekiel and now he’s paying the price.  I’m sure the cost will continue to rise the longer he tries to keep this secret.  I believe he will set Cas up with fake ids and credit cards and money before throwing him out and I think he’ll tell Sam that Cas wanted to go.  Or maybe have Ezekiel manipulate Sam’s memory?  I guess we’ll see.

Last Impressions:

There were some problems with this episode that others have covered and I won’t go into.  Overall it was not the worst I’ve seen from SPN nor was it my favorite, but I think it had some brilliant moments.  I’m happy to see Cas adjusting fairly well to being human.  I’m glad to see the Dean and Cas still have a strong connection.

As for the uproar that some of the fans got into this week, I’ll say this:  I don’t see this episode as a death knoll for the Dean/Cas story.  I think it can be read as either platonic or romantic and I believe it was deliberately vague.  Let’s just all keep our panties on and see what happens.

Right now, I’m more interested in resolving the larger plot lines of Abaddon, the fallen angels, and the Sam/Ezekiel thing.

Whew!  That was long…so I’m signing off now.  Stay righteous folks!

Context is Everything, My Friends

THIS IS A SPOILER FOR SPN 9×03…SO READ NO FURTHER IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW!

You were warned, LOL.

So I was at a bar last night with a friend and received a text from another friend.

“Fair?” was all it said.

Fair what?  Fair payment?  Unfair?  Medieval fair?

Without context, the text makes no sense.

As it happens I live in a state that has a state fair and it’s a major event, usually with right around a million people attending.  It’s a pretty big deal and we all love the state fair.  The opening date was yesterday so when I read the text, I knew exactly what that person meant.  Context.

Now, let’s talk 9×03.

First, if you’ve read any part of my blog, you will know I totally dig Dean & Cas together.  BUT you will also know that I am not convinced that is where the show is going.

I have no issues seeing Cas get it on with some chick or other dude, ’cause hey, I don’t control the show.  I will still love Supernatural and the characters, actors, writers, and crew.

So when this little beauty came out…

…some in the fandom had a freak.  The promo was a bit sketchy in detail, rightfully so, and the fandom made all sorts of assumptions.  Some adopted a “wait and see” attitude, some did not.  To each his own.

Now for whatever reason more photos have been released and they provide more context for the kissing scene above.  All is not what it seems.  I posted a couple of days ago that what I found most unbelievable about the entire situation was that a single woman takes in a homeless man…as a single woman who has worked with the homeless, I would say that is not a wise decision.  But as I said in that post, that’s how the promo comes across – it could be completely different from what happens.

And let’s face it, with the release of more photos, I believe that is absolutely NOT what happens.  I’m not claiming to know the story line for next week’s episode.  I only have my own guesses.

BUT CONTEXT.

Can you really be so sure that the kissing scene is what it seems to be once you couple it with this image of Cas being stabbed (presumably by April)?

(Don’t get me wrong.  I have kissed people who I later wanted to stab…but I don’t want to be someone’s prison bitch so there’s that.)

My point being, you must know the CONTEXT before you make sense of the details.

I’m excited about 9×03.  No matter what happens between April and Cas, we get to see how Dean reacts to a seriously wounded, human Cas and that is going to be worth millions in my book.  There’s so much potential in this next episode, so many ways it can go and I’m not sure about any of them, but I am pretty sure they will all make me cry and go “Oh Dean…”  (insert sad face and tears here)

Let’s wait and see, shall we?